for me, since i've finished filming from the first day of this year till june, i've been doing the summer con tour after that. because of these jobs, like the working hours are very long on film shoots (dorama shoots), i have no time to meet up with others. and my schedule's been like this the whole time, including during july and august, there isn't much time to meet other people.
besides, i have to travel away from home for the concerts.
i've been carrying on like this with hardly any time for myself. so i can't take much time off to meet others.

i also don't have much time of my own in summer. and in the end, i stop getting calls from others altogether.
and i also stop calling others.
thus when i got the flu or became sick, no one contacted me at all.
no one.
my manager called me once in awhile about work.
other than that, nothing.
and when i got the flu or got sick, i stopped doing what i normally would do.
so i started to develop thoughts like "oh no, no one's gonna keep me in contact"...
when i got weak mentally, it just added to my pressure. the more i thought of it, the worse it got.

"ah! so i'm completely unwanted by others..."

and i would sink into this vicious cycle.
why is it that when a body weakens, the spirit also weakens?

and when i tried to work up some better form of spirit by going out to take a walk even when i was very tired, i had to head back halfway as my body couldn't take it.
such things do happen. yes. so as i'm working all year round, and in order to keep my energy level, i've learnt to recognize the importance of health management again.
yes.

seems like this is a boring subject to talk about. but i can't not take care of my health now. i really want to manage my health well again this time.
my situation is such that during the end and start of each year, for reasons unknown, and not because of feeling at ease, i'm always quite genki till the 30th, but starting from the 31st, maybe coz of reasons due to my psychological state, my body will become terribly frail. this kind of situation has been going on for a few years.

it's not flu, just that there is a heaviness to my body state. and at that time, there is the countdown con every year, i've always told myself during every performance, i can't not push on/do my best.
although i've always spent every end/start of year like this, i feel that this year, maybe i can't do it anymore...
how should i put it, there are really evil spirits every year end/start ne.

ya.
there wasn't a period of time where i was in good health.
that's why on the new year, this year as well, wasn't there a concert that time? i was very sick.
thus this year, ganbatte ne.
yes.
please listen to this next song..."